2023: green light
It's here! Happy 2023!
I mean, truly inexplicably happy New Year!
I am falling back into the rhythm of early 2000s, when I could just stay fully in my own lane. Creating, writing, posting stories for me alone. Black and white letters streaming onto the screen in the form of free speech, free flow of ideas, and just pure creative energy that uses the most powerful resource - our imagination. Remember Julie&Julia? Remember starting recipes from scratch and learning about self in the process? Remember the psychology behind immersing into something whole heartedly? The joy that feeling brings? I miss it. I have not experienced it for a while - I rushed and rushed and then burned out. Now I am on the 7th month of recovery from major trauma and this year will be all about giving myself more green lights.
Green light to be able to be both healing and growing.
Green light to eat well and at the same time have the joy of extravagantly complex meals.
Green light to slow all the way down when necessary and speed up with desire when required.
I give myself a green light to love myself at this current stage of life as I am today, on the cusp of life full of experiences and something entirely new.
I give myself a green light to love my body as it is right this second, but also give it room and opportunities to change for the better through work and time.
Green light to forgive myself the guilts - the mom guilt, the wife guilt, changing my life plan guilt, the unorganized home guilt.
I give myself green light to start new projects, try new things, read new books I love from cover to cover,.. and discard those that no longer interest me.
Green light to try new things even when I am scared of the outcomes.
I give myself permission to disconnect and take time to figure out what I need when things become unclear or emotions too overwhelming.
I give myself a green light to start re-shaping my body and not expect it to change over night - give it time, buy a gym membership, stretch.
Green light to stretch; in all aspects of that word, Creatively, physically, mentally, emotionally.
Green light to do a Masters Program at a University for something I* am actually interested in.
I give myself a green light to pursue things not just for the picture perfect memory but for the one that becomes a core memory for the future.
Green light to choose what I think is best for me and my family.
I give myself permission to do all the hard things that I have not been able to do while ptsd was eating away at my daily rituals and living standards.
Green light to be myself, but a new, more thorough version of myself but at the same time softer and more gentle.
I give myself a green light to light up my inner child so she could be proud of what she has become over the last three decades.
I give myself a green light to dream big and fill those dreams with action full glittering memories of delightful personal growth and creative expansion.